The Newlywed game series: Part 1
In Stamford, marriage ties bind countries, tooThe Stamford Advocate
December 17, 2006

By Vesna Jaksic

STAMFORD – Terry Mohan could not talk to the parents of his wife-to-bewhen he met them.

He is fluent in English, but they speak only Polish. They visited the United States for the first time when they attended the wedding.

“It was just smiling, hugging and hand gestures,” Mohan said. “It’s very unusual. You want to talk to them, but you can’t.”

Mohan was born in Guyana to Indian parents. His wife, Renata, was born and raised in Poland. When they wed at Holy Name of Jesus Church in May, the priest performed half of the ceremony in English and half in Polish. The Stamford couple plans to speak English and Polish to their first child, who is due in the spring. At meals, they often serve Indian food.

Such diversity is true of many Stamford newlyweds. According to more than 4,600 marriage licenses filed in Stamford in the past five years, the city’s brides and grooms were born in more than 130 countries. Those born in the United States made up less than half of all newly married people.

The remaining 52 percent are from all over the world – war-torn countries such as Iraq; nations that no longer exist, such as Yugoslavia; and small African countries, such as Togo.

They are more likely to be born in Lima, the capital of Peru, than in Washington, D.C. Even for those born in the United States, diversity is a factor, with newly married residents coming from hot spots such as Honolulu and cold states such as Alaska.

The Mohans said they embrace their cultural differences. Terry Mohan’s parents are Hindu, but he said he is more knowledgeable about Catholicism, Poland’s most common religion, so they wed in a Catholic church.

He grew up in Guyana, an English-speaking South American country, but moved to the United States with his family when he was 9. Renata Mohan grew up on a farm in Poland, where she helped her parents take care of sheep and picked cucumbers and potatoes. She came to the United States in 2001 to work as an au pair and thought she would stay for a year.

The Mohans met at a bar in Stamford last winter and were engaged three months later.

“I never thought much about who I would marry, but my feelings were just there,” said Terry Mohan, 38, a financial analyst at UBS.

“I didn’t think about getting married, but then I got to know him,” said Renata Mohan, 28, who attends Norwalk Community College in hopes of completing early education studies she began in Poland.

In Stamford, Connecticut’s most diverse city, countries from every corner of the globe merge when people get married. About one-third of the city’s population is foreign-born.

In Stamford in 2004, for example, a Honduran man married a Turkish woman. The same year, a black New York native wed an Ugandan woman whose mother was born in Iraq. The previous year, a Tanzanian man tied the knot with a woman from Barbados, and a man from Antigua wed a Chinese woman. On New Year’s Day this year, a Brazilian man whose parents were born in Ireland and Iran married an Asian woman.

Couples from countries such as Bahrain, Congo, Egypt, Ghana, Kuwait, Iran, Morocco, Panama, Senegal, Sudan and Zimbabwe also were married in Stamford.

Data collected by the Population Reference Bureau on “intermarriages” records only interracial marriages and those between Hispanics and non-Hispanics. Little research has been done on marriages based exclusively on the newlyweds’ countries of origin. But all statistics point in the same direction: racial and ethnic diversity is becoming more common in love.

A June 2005 report by the bureau found that racial intermarriage increased from less than 1 percent of all married couples in 1970 to more than 5 percent of all couples in 2000. White husbands and Asian wives are a common type of interracial couple, the study found. Younger and more educated people are more likely to intermarry, as are foreign-born residents.

Census numbers indicate marriages likely will continue to reflect the nation’s increasingly diverse population. In 2000, more than 11 percent of residents were foreign-born, a figure that has steadily increased since 1950. In Stamford, about 30 percent of the population was born outside the country, which is more than any other municipality in the state, according to a study by Connecticut Voices for Children.

The Mohans said their biggest challenge was the language barrier with the in-laws. But they said they have enjoyed the opportunity to learn about other cultures.

Before he met his wife, Terry Mohan said, he did not know much more about Poland than its connection with the late Pope John Paul II and polka music. But he now knows how to recognize a Polish accent and say some expressions, such as “Kocham chie,” which means, “I love you.”

Renata Mohan said he will know more after their son is born.

“You will learn,” she told him, smiling. “The baby will teach you.”